Want curls but aren’t a fan of curling irons? Turns out all you have to do is twist up your hair and get it caught inside a mini tornado!

The Neck Genie is supposed to help tone your neck or chin, although it’s probably more effective to find an actual genie.

This nylon belt stretches across your face, with the promise it will help reduce wrinkles. While it’s probably better than putting a regular belt around your face, it still doesn’t seem likely it actually works.

This is a wheel covered with pins that is supposed to be rolled across your face — YOUR FACE— to improve skin by increasing blood flow. Unfortunately, most of that blood will be flowing out of your body.

This gadget emits red and near infrared light onto the skin, for the purpose of accelerating the body’s natural healing process. However, the pulsating LED lights from the Skin-Lite aren’t likely to have any actual effect. Because if that were the case, the best thing you could do for your skin would be getting a strobe light. This may explain why the product is nowdiscontinued.

The Mudage Jolie Body Hair Thinner is a razor and comb designed for men who don’t want to shave off their body hair, but just want to give it a trim. Because you cut the hair that’s on the top of your head, so why not the hair on the rest of your body?

If braces in your mouth can straighten out your teeth, why not also try braces for your nose? They’re just like dental braces, except probably even more unpleasant.

This hair treatment product contains protein extracted from animal placenta, not ACTUAL placenta. But even if it were actual placenta, it shouldn’t be that gross. Remember, you were once completely covered in it too!

The Face Trainer is supposed to reduce signs of aging on your face by wearing it while doing facial exercises. Some users reported that the Face Trainer helped reduce sagging and wrinkles. And if they wore it in public, they also reported an increase of confused stares from strangers.

This product protects your hair from splashes while eating messy foods. Because normally when you eat soup you end up with a hair full of broth, and nobody wants that.

In Japan, a beauty treatment called “uguisu no fun” (which means “nightingale feces”), uses the excrement from a nightingale which is applied to the face. So maybe getting hit by bird droppings really is good luck after all! Although, now that we’ve given it some additional thought, it’s not.

This electric mask sends pulses all around your face, with the intent of making your face more toned. It was not created with the intent of scaring every member of your family. That’s just a bonus.

Don’t worry, the “caviar” is just tiny beads, not actual caviar. Which is probably for the best, because if it was caviar, you’d probably want to bite your nails even more than usual.

You could get your soap from the nostrils of a giant nose…or from a regular soap bottle that doesn’t completely gross you out.

Wear these glasses and the ridges on the inside will supposedly massage around your eyes to reduce wrinkles. Plus, wearing them makes you look like a futuristic basketball player.