1. Doggie Doo

Theme: dog poop
Object: feed the dog and scoop up the ‘presents’ he leaves behind

Although invented in the late 1990s, Doggie Doo didn’t reach the market until 2009. Now it’s something of a household name, although not every parent is completely happy with the idea, and some have boycotted the game altogether.

Gameplay is pretty simple – feed the dog with special yellow ‘dog food’, then roll the dice. The number on the dice is the number of times you must then pump the handle on the dog’s lead. After a random amount of pumps, the ‘food’ will come out of the dog’s other end. Scoop the poop and you win!

2. Silly Moo

Theme: cow milking/cow pats
Object: milk the cow and try not to make the cow do a pat on you

This game works in a similar way to Doggie Doo – you roll the dice then pull the cow’s udders the corresponding number of times. Then the cow will either drop a pint of milk from its front (already in its bottle thankfully) or a cow pat from its behind.

This seems to be inspired by a 1977 Kenner toy, called Milky The Marvelous Milking Cow –

Source: Retroland

Unlike Silly Moo, Milky did actually squirt a ‘milk like substance’ from her udders, which I’m sure went down excellently with houseproud parents.

3. Big John

Theme: toilet blocking
Object: Empty your “scuzz bucket” into the toilet and flush it

Released in 1994 by Parker Brothers, Big John is the “electronic flush and burp game”. Each player has a bucket full of “scuzzies” (green balls of goo) which they have to empty into Big John and flush the handle. Big John then makes a flushing noise. However, if Big John gets too full, he will burp and release all the “scuzzies” out of his U-bend.

On one hand, this game might help younger kids along with toilet training. On the other hand, I bet there’s been a rise in the number of keys and wallets being flushed down the toilet since 1994.

4. Eat At Ralph’s

Theme: vomiting
Object: feed Ralph your leftover food, and try not to make him throw up

It’s probably obvious by now that most games of this ilk follow a similar pattern, and 1992 game Eat At Ralph’s is no exception. Roll the dice, then feed Ralph the corresponding amount of food. This game also has another option – if your dice lands on “stuff”, you can attempt to feed Ralph as much food as possible.

What happens when Ralph eats too much? You guessed it, he throws up all over the table. Thankfully, he only throws up the pretend food you just fed him. I suspect the game would work just as well with real food, but I also suspect that any kid trying to make Ralph throw up real food would find themselves grounded pretty quickly.

5. Gooey Louie

Theme: nose picking
Object: pick Louie’s nose until his brains fly out of his head

I’ve saved the worst for last. Yes, I happen to think this is more disgusting than a poop scooping game.

Louie is a plastic head with long strings of snot hanging from his nose. One of the snots is attached to his brain via a rubber band, and pulling that snot will cause his brain to break free and spring from the top of his head.

Why would anyone on Earth want to spend their time picking someone else’s nose? There’s possibly only one game that beats this – Piggin’ Boogers.

Gooey Louie’s one saving grace is that at least the snots aren’t that realistic. With Piggin’ Boogers, the snot is a lot more realistic than it needs to be.

It’s kind of like Russian Roulette, but with pig snot. Only one of the pigs has a snotty nose, and the goal is to guess which nose to stick your finger in. Technically, if you get the snotty nose you win, but I’d say you really lose.