Just when you thought you were safe, here’s even MORE Star Wars tie-ins that defy belief. The movie better be DAMN good after having to put up with this crap…
Alright, Disney, we get it: There’s a new Star Wars film coming out. Star Wars:The Force Awakensopens in movie theaters around the world on Friday, December 18, and if you haven’t seen any advertisement for the film, you probably haven’t been outside in the past six months.
It has been 10 years since the last installment of the franchise was released, and over 30 years since the original movie hit theaters. Suffice it to say, people are excited. Star Wars fans have been lining up outside the Chinese Theatre in Hollywood since Saturday, December 5, more than two weeks before the The Force Awakens will debut.
From bus stops to billboards, ads for the long-awaited sequel are everywhere, but Disney is seriously starting to go overboard with the movie’s merchandising. Star Wars oranges, really? We’ve got a bad feeling about this …
1. Batteries
It’s common knowledge that all stormtroopers power their blasters with Duracell batteries. Not even the smartest engineers in the Star Wars universe were able to solve the galaxy’s energy problems.
2. Mascara
Those weren’t tattoos on Darth Maul’s face, they were carefully drawn mascara lines. No wonder he always spent so long in the bathroom…
3. Apples
An apple a day keeps the Sith lord away. Unless your name is Luke Skywalker.
4. Coffee-Mate
The dark side of the coffee. Let the milk flow through you.
5. Water
Fresh H2O from the free-flowing rivers of Tatooine. Make sure to bring a few bottles next time you head out into the desert.
6. Grapes
Tasty, they are. Eat them, you must.
7. BBQ Tongs
Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. An elegant utensil for a more civilized age.
8. Balloons
These are not the discounts you’re looking for. Go about your business.
9. Traffic Sign
Give yourself to the dark side. It is the only way you can save five minutes on your daily commute.