No four-word-long coffee orders for you. No sirree.
2. And your eye still twitches whenever someone says “expresso”.
Years of subtly correcting people really takes its toll.
3. You’ve perfected your “sounds polite but notactually polite” voice.
4. And you’ve got your fake laugh down to a tee.
5. Whenever you’re served badly in a coffee shop, you think of how you’d never have been able to get away with that when you were working in one.
“WHAT IF I WAS A MYSTERY SHOPPER, HUH?!”
6. And you always watch to see if they actually use skimmed milk when you ask for a skinny latte.
You know when and if a fellow barista will lie.
7. Entering a coffee shop at peak times still makes you feel incredibly stressed.
You immediately have flashbacks to your own experiences of hell.
8. But at the same time, you’re sympathetic when the staff are a bit of a mess because you know exactly how it feels.
9. You’re an expert at making small talk.
10. And if you used to work in a coffee chain, you always have to suppress the urge to say “I USED TO WORK HERE TOO” at any given store.
11. You’re a tad judgemental when you know you could’ve made a coffee better than what you’ve been given.
12. Especially when you can tell your latte feels way more like a cappuccino.
You know exactly what it’s supposed to feel like.
13. You can always detect the anger on a barista’s face when someone orders a drink and then changes it last minute.
14. And this scene alone is enough to give you nightmares.
When a customer orders 24 drinks in one go you have no choice but to smile and nod. Then cry later.
15. You’ve internalised the rule that talking on the phone while ordering is WRONG.
16. And you’ve vowed to yourself that you’ll never be that god awful person who enters a coffee shop five minutes before close and orders a drink.
17. You always throw your waste in the bin because you know how much it annoyed you when others didn’t.
18. But only if there’s a bin bag in there.
19. And on the off chance you don’t clean up after yourself, you feel really bad about it.
Because that means you’re part of the problem.
20. You constantly yearn for the free pastries you used to take home at the end of a long shift.
Now you have to pay for them, and they are NOT cheap.
21. You have a special place in your heart for latte art.
22. And you never, ever put your money on the counter, when you could put it in the staffer’s hand.
23. It’s rare you ever want to step foot in the coffee shop you used to work in.
24. But sometimes, just sometimes, you do miss it.
Sure, it was hell at the time, but it will always have a special place in your heart.