A long time ago there was an episode of the TV show “The Outer Limits” where a race of beings had become so dependent on devices to do their work for them that their bodies evolved into big blobs of fat and they could no longer get out of their chairs. They kidnapped humans to use them as slaves so they could relax in their big chairs and you know, just watch things on their portable devices or something.
I truly believe our species is evolving that way. The first time I realized it was when I was at the dog park and saw someone using a “ball launcher” to play with their dog. Now I have a bad back and all, but if I’m going to bring my dog to the park to get her exercise, I’m sure as hell going to get some myself and refuse to use a plastic scoopy thing so I don’t have to bend over or even exert myself throwing it.
Which brings me to the following list from Buzzfeed. I’m pretty sure that using your baby to mop the floor (#19) should be considered child abuse and using a bag to catch your dog’s poop before it hits the ground is animal abuse. And if I EVER see someone using a tool to make a snowball (#6) I will pelt them so hard with my hand-made snowballs that they’ll never think about throwing a snowball again.
There’s only 19 on this list, but there are others (coming soon…)
1. This hair dryer stand:
Your arms are fragile and do not need to lift this heavy hot wind blowing machine.
3. Remote-slash-bottle-opener:
Because who even knows what important TV moments you could miss on your journey to find a bottle opener.
4. A self-turning ice cream cone:
This ice cream spins by itself so your tongue doesn’t have to do all the heavy licking.
5. These prism glasses:
No one should have to be forced to sit upright while reading or watching TV.
6. A snowball maker:
Is it too much to ask that we form our OWN snowballs? Yes. It is.
7. Canned sandwiches:
It’s a sandwich, but without any of the physical sandwich making labor!
8. This dog poop contraption:
Saves you all the energy you were about to exert bending over to pick up the poop!
No one should be expected to actually move their wrist in a circular motion while holding a spoon.
12. This popcorn-maker that shoots it straight into your mouth:
As God and nature intended.
13. This toilet paper holder:
All you do is put the roll on the thingy and pull. None of those extra steps to remove the tubey thing and the springy thing and the other things.
14. This laser cat toy:
How do animals have so much energy? Harness it for your own enjoyment.
15. This extendable fork:
The only thing better than eating food is eating other peoples’ food.
17. These sauce-dispensing chopsticks:
What kind of snobby overachiever wastes time ~pouring~ soy sauce.
