This is from The Bitchy Waiter and I couldn’t agree more. Once again, it’s entitlement we’re talking about here, just because some restaurants have rewards for your birthday or traditionally sing Happy Birthday on request, that doesn’t mean that you should expect it everywhere. I agree with what he says that most people are just trying to get a free dessert by asking. And I’m sure that not only do the servers hate it, but most likely most of the people in the restaurant who are having their conversation interrupted by some bad singing do as well. Not to mention the people at the actual table, only the person who requested it is probably enjoying it, the rest are embarrassed–including of course the Birthday Boy or Girl.
So everyone….if it’s your birthday, enjoy it with your friends but keep the waiters out of it.
Have you ever gone into a restaurant on your birthday and expected special treatment? Maybe you thought the red carpet should be rolled out for you and the owner should come directly to your table and give you head. At the very least, you might have thought that every person who works there, from your server to the bus boy to the dishwasher to the little old lady who sits in the back and makes the guacamole, should drop what they’re doing and come out and sing the happy birthday song to you. A lot of times, that is what will happen. Not because anyone gives a shit about the day your mom pushed an 8-pound ball of human out of her sweet potato pie hole, but because your server begged everyone to do it in the hopes that he will be rewarded with a decent tip. But this is what your server is really thinking when he hears those six dreaded words “can you sing for my birthday?”
Fu** me. Fu** me with a dirty spatula right now. I do not fu**ing have time for this. Table 12 is waving me down wondering why there food isn’t ready, Table 15 is swimming in dirty dishes because the bus boy has apparently been swallowed into a black hole of apathy and I have needed to pee for half an hour. But sure, I’ll sing happy birthday to you because out of everything you want for your birthday, on the top of the list must be having a group of random strangers sing off key for you. Yeah, that’s gonna make your day so much more special. And I suppose you want me to ask the manager to comp you a free dessert and then you’re going to want me to find a candle. Where the hell are the candles anyway? Why can’ t I ever find those fu**ers? Maybe I can just hold my lighter over it and you can blow that out instead. Everyone is so busy right now and no one is going to want to be a birthday singer. Well, everyone except that new girl who thinks it’s fun to sing to her tables. God, that chick is a trip. I saw her yesterday tying the shoes of some kid at her table. It’s like she cares or something. What a bitch. Anyhoo, why can’t your friends sing happy birthday to you? They’ve been loud and annoying all night anyway so why can’t they just redirect some of that energy into singing a song for your birthday? And are you that desperate for attention that you want the everyone in this dump to know that today is your birthday? Bitch, just open up your Facebook page and get your attention fix there, no one has time for this shot. But, okay. I am going to go the kitchen and beg people to come sing to you and if I do it you’d better cough up some extra fu**ing tip, because this is some above the call of duty shit right here. Happy fu**ing birthday, my ass.
But here is what the server will actually say:
Oh, my gosh, it’s your birthday? That’s wonderful! Absolutely, we will sing to you. Just give me a few minutes! Happy birthday!!