{"id":681,"date":"2015-04-17T08:39:58","date_gmt":"2015-04-17T15:39:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/?p=681"},"modified":"2015-04-17T08:39:58","modified_gmt":"2015-04-17T15:39:58","slug":"the-doctored-doctor-note","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/?p=681","title":{"rendered":"The Doctored Doctor Note"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

This is from\u00a0notalwaysworking.com<\/a>, we’ve had a lot of discussion about sick calls and how to handle them, but this is one of the best. \u00a0 I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to watch this interaction…<\/p>\n

Doctored Doctor Note<\/a><\/h3>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

(I work as a manager in a retail store. I have one employee who always calls in.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Employee:<\/strong> *on the phone*<\/em> \u201cI cannot come in today. I am sick!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cWell, this is the seventh time this month you have been sick and the 28th time this year so far. Please provide a doctor\u2019s note, because you have yet to bring one in.\u201d<\/p>\n

Employee:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s illegal to not let me take off sick days!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cI said bring a doctor\u2019s note, not come into work. You are required to bring in a doctor\u2019s note and you have not. The next time this happens without a note, you will be written up. This is the seventh time in three weeks you have called in.\u201d<\/p>\n

Employee:<\/strong> \u201cI have a weak immune system!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cI am sure a doctor\u2019s note will help prove that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Employee:<\/strong> \u2018This is illegal!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cIt is in no way illegal to require a doctor\u2019s note. If you are this chronically ill, then urging you to get treatment would be the best course of action. I will see you tomorrow.\u201d *hangs up*<\/em><\/p>\n

(The next day:)<\/em><\/p>\n

Employee:<\/strong> \u201cHere, look. I said I was sick!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> *looking at obviously fake doctor\u2019s note, made on the employee\u2019s computer*<\/em> \u201cI\u2026 really? This says to excuse you from work for two weeks because of a \u2018traumitic\u2019 illness of the \u2018lunges\u2019. Is that supposed to be \u2018lungs\u2019? And where exactly is Dr. R. McDonald in this town? I am unfamiliar with that practice.\u201d<\/p>\n

Employee:<\/strong> \u201cOh, uh, next town over.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cReally? Which one? Also, I would love to know where the number 555-555-5555 is located or 555 Main Street. If you are going to give me a fake doctor\u2019s note, at least use the number and address of a friend and not a whole bunch of \u20185\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

Employee:<\/strong> \u201cThat is not fake! I demand that you give me my legally required days of! The doctor ordered it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cI am not playing this game. You are fired.\u201d<\/p>\n

Employee:<\/strong> \u201cYou cannot do that! This is illegal!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cReally? You called in without cause for seven days this month alone, caused backups and under-staffing, now you are lying about a doctor\u2019s note. I am sending this note to corporate and you are fired for neglecting your duties repeatedly.\u201d<\/p>\n

Employee:<\/strong> *screaming*<\/em> \u201cYou cannot do this!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cAren\u2019t those lungs supposed to be \u2018traumitically ill\u2019? Those sure sound healthy to me. Also, I just googled the doctor, just to humor you. Do you want to guess what I found?\u201d<\/p>\n

Employee:<\/strong> *throws name tag at me, still yelling*<\/em><\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cGreat, I will add assault to the list of reasons I fired you when I talk to corporate.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is from\u00a0notalwaysworking.com, we’ve had a lot of discussion about sick calls and how to handle them, but this is one of the best. \u00a0 I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to watch this interaction… Doctored Doctor Note (I work as a manager in a retail store. I have one Read More…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-681","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-retail-employees","category-retail-humor"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/681","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=681"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/681\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":688,"href":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/681\/revisions\/688"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=681"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=681"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=681"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}