{"id":590,"date":"2015-05-02T06:28:30","date_gmt":"2015-05-02T13:28:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/?p=590"},"modified":"2015-05-02T06:28:30","modified_gmt":"2015-05-02T13:28:30","slug":"teen-caught-making-love-to-stuffed-horse-in-walmart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/?p=590","title":{"rendered":"Teen Caught Making Love to Stuffed Horse in Walmart"},"content":{"rendered":"<header>\u00a0 \u00a0<img decoding=\"async\" class=\"img-responsive wp-post-image\" src=\"http:\/\/firsttoknow.s3.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/StuffedHorse-558x279.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/header>\n<header>\n<div class=\"social-share\">\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 &#8220;I need to think before what I do. &#8221; \u00a0 Sorry, but the poor horse ain&#8217;t buying it. \u00a0 I feel badly for the store clerk(s) who had to clean up after him&#8230;<\/div>\n<h1 class=\"entry-title\"><\/h1>\n<\/header>\n<div id=\"article-content\" class=\"entry-content\">\n<p><em>A Florida teen was caught yesterday\u00a0using a stuffed horse to masturbate in a Walmart in\u00a0Brooksville, Florida, about 50 miles north of Tampa.<\/em><\/p>\n<div id=\"crtoTextBanner\"><em>\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/thesmokinggun.com\/buster\/florida\/walmart-stuffed-animal-defiler-657903\">The Smoking Gun<\/a> reports that 19-year-old Sean Johnson went to the store\u2019s comforter\u00a0section and used the toy to masturbate before placing it back on the shelf among the other items. He left the store and was promptly arrested in the parking lot.<\/em><\/div>\n<p><em>The police report details the incident in no uncertain terms:<\/em><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>At approximately 1420 hours, the defendant Sean Johnson selected a brown, tan and red-stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department. The defendant then proceeded to the comforter aisle in housewares and proceeded to pull out his genitals which were in an aroused state. The defendant then proceeded to hold the stuffed horse\u2019s chest area to his genitals and proceeded to hump the stuffed horse using short fast movements. The defendant continued his action until he achieved an orgasm and ejaculated on the stuffed horse\u2019s chest area.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>The defendant then placed the soiled stuffed horse on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set) contaminating that property also. The defendant then exited the store and left the property. Contact was made with the defendant directly across the street.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><em>After being arrested, Johnson later confessed in a written statement that he \u201cdid unmentionables to a stuffed animal.\u201d He also stated, \u201cI need to think before what I do. I\u2019m extremely sorry.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 &#8220;I need to think before what I do. &#8221; \u00a0 Sorry, but the poor horse ain&#8217;t buying it. \u00a0 I feel badly for the store clerk(s) who had to clean up after him&#8230; A Florida teen was caught yesterday\u00a0using a stuffed horse to masturbate in a Walmart in\u00a0Brooksville, Florida, about 50 <a class=\"read-more\" href=\"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/?p=590\">Read More&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-retail-humor"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=590"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":746,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590\/revisions\/746"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=590"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=590"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=590"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}