{"id":533,"date":"2015-03-15T09:41:16","date_gmt":"2015-03-15T16:41:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/?p=533"},"modified":"2015-03-15T09:41:16","modified_gmt":"2015-03-15T16:41:16","slug":"20-canned-foods-you-dont-want-in-your-pantry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/?p=533","title":{"rendered":"20 Canned Foods You Don’t Want In Your Pantry"},"content":{"rendered":"

Prepare to be disgusted, grossed out, and feel the need to rinse your mouth with mouthwash. \u00a0 Years ago we used to sell a product similar to #6 called Ranch Whole Chicken and we’d sell about 50 cases when it went on sale. \u00a0The only thing that grossed me out more is that we had people buying cans of Petuna Cat Food for 19c that didn’t have cats so you know they were eating it themselves. \u00a0 Hey, tuna is tuna right?<\/p>\n

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Tongues<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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As off-putting as this sounds, I bet almost anything that it still tastes better than Beefaroni. Okay, that’s not fair. Everything tastes better than Beefaroni.<\/div>\n
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2<\/div>\n

Squid<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Thank God it’s in “natural ink.” That is the only way I will consume my canned squid. Canned squid with artificial ink is for posers who don’t understand the true umami essence of natural squid ink… that comes in a can.<\/div>\n
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3<\/div>\n

Creamed Possum<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. How anyone could eat sweet potatoes is beyond me. So gross.<\/div>\n
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4<\/div>\n

Frogs Legs<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Frog legs in a five star, French bistro taste just like chicken. Frog legs in a can taste just like frog legs in a can.<\/div>\n
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5<\/div>\n

PB & J<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Originally named the “Life Is Too Much To Deal With So I’ll Just Give Up Sandwich.” Also comes in flavors of failure and despair.<\/div>\n
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6<\/div>\n

Canned Whole Chicken<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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“Home Style Goodness.” This can of food evokes none of those three words.<\/div>\n
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7<\/div>\n

Raisin Bread<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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It’s exactly like buying fresh, baked bread from your favorite neighborhood bakery… in absolutely no way whatsoever.<\/div>\n
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8<\/div>\n

Canned Fish Mouths<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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You can’t unsee this. This will be burned in your brain for at least 72 hours. Enjoy your nightmares!<\/div>\n
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9<\/div>\n

SIlkworm Pupae<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Anyone can serve Pigs in a Blanket or Swedish Meatballs at party. But serving what is basically the transitory stage between a larva and an insect really says something. It says that you hate your guests.<\/div>\n
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10<\/div>\n

Snickers in Tomato Sauce<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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You know this is the one food on the list you would try. This canned good actually comes from Russia. Cause when you drink that much vodka, anything will taste good. \u00a0At least they didn’t try to can the Three Musketeers.<\/div>\n
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11<\/div>\n

Mole Crickets<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Foodie: “Yes, I’d like a can of mole crickets in brown curry, please.”Store clerk: “Sorry. We’re all out. We do have them in a red curry, though.”<\/p>\n

Foodie: “You expect me to eat something as inferior as mole crickets in ared curry<\/i>?! What kind of artisanal, gourmet food store are you?”<\/p>\n

Store clerk: “You’re in a 7-ll, sir.”<\/p>\n

The foodie storms out in a huff.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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12<\/div>\n

French Toast Puree<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Love the taste of breakfast foods but absolutely hate chewing it? This just made your day.<\/div>\n
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13<\/div>\n

Bacon<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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A good rule of thumb: Anytime they advertise “smoke flavored added” on a label you know you are in for a world of hurt, gastronomically speaking. Besides, isn’t bacon already smokey by nature?<\/div>\n
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14<\/div>\n

Pork Brains<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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The next time someone insults you with, “What, do you have pork for brains?” You can pull out this can and say, “Why, yes. Yes I do.” You may be holding on to this can for a really, really, really long time, but in the end it will be totally worth it.<\/div>\n
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15<\/div>\n

Pancake Flavored Milkshake<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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All of those pancake lobbyists are smiling ear to ear now. Their dream finally came true – creating a beverage that no one wants or asked for.<\/div>\n
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16<\/div>\n

Kam<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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You know Spam, right? Well this isn’t that. This is Kam. Kam is the unpopular half brother of Spam who always tries just a little too hard to fit in. Feel sorry for Kam.<\/div>\n
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17<\/div>\n

Haggis<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Haggis is a Scottish dish consisting of sheep intestine mixed with suet (beef fat), oatmeal, and seasoning and then boiled in the animal’s stomach lining. This is the canned version, which you can either eat or use to make a neighborhood garden in lieu of using cement blocks.<\/p>\n
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18<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Huitlacoche<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Huitlacoche, also known as “corn smut,” is the fungus that growns on ears of corn. In Mexican cuisine it is considered a delicacy. So, naturally people decided to can it.<\/div>\n
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19<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Christmas Tinner<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Nothing says “Merry Christmas” better than nine different holiday foods all smashed together and then crammed into a tin can. It’s like the hatred of the holidays put in edible form. Somewhere up in the skies Santa is looking down, shaking his head and thinking, “WTF?”<\/div>\n
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20<\/div>\n

Cheeseburger (Yeah, Cheeseburger)<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Remember “Fear Factor?” Remember how they had to eat all of those gross things, like horse rectum? Or even slugs with cow bile? Well, the producers of the show thought this cheeseburger was too disgusting to put on the air.<\/div>\n
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\u00a0From guff.com<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Prepare to be disgusted, grossed out, and feel the need to rinse your mouth with mouthwash. \u00a0 Years ago we used to sell a product similar to #6 called Ranch Whole Chicken and we’d sell about 50 cases when it went on sale. \u00a0The only thing that grossed me out more is that we had Read More…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-533","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-retail-humor"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/533","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=533"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/533\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":535,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/533\/revisions\/535"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=533"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=533"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=533"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}