{"id":1125,"date":"2015-08-01T12:54:51","date_gmt":"2015-08-01T19:54:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/?p=1125"},"modified":"2015-08-01T12:54:51","modified_gmt":"2015-08-01T19:54:51","slug":"totally-honest-signs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/?p=1125","title":{"rendered":"Totally Honest Signs"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u00a0 \u00a0 Only a few of these are retail oriented, but they were all too good not to share. \u00a0I love the evacuation plan–I always get a kick out of seeing our “Emergency Evacuation Plan” in the breakroom, in a tiny store with basically only 2 exits. \u00a0 I’m pretty sure everyone is just running for the nearest one and not stopping to check the breakroom for where to go.<\/p>\n

30 Minutes or Less?<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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We love that their official delivery time is “Eh, whenever.”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

2<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Caution!<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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You should see the signs in this town that don’t warn about their sharp edges. So much blood. So many families torn apart by sign-related fatalities. So much blood.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

3<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Elevator Sign<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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On the plus side, the humming descent<\/u> of the elevator is your soul jumping right back into your body. Right? RIGHT!?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

4<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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That’s One Reason for a Sale<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Followed by a Monday “going out of business” sale and then some kind of Tuesday morning insurance fire.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

5<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Definitely Not a Hilton<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Alternate tag lines:<\/p>\n

“Meh.”<\/p>\n

“There are four walls and maybe a bed, what else do you want?”<\/p>\n

“Who are you? The Queen of England? It’s a motel.”<\/p>\n

“Only kind of gross.”<\/p>\n

“Each room comes with a family of rats<\/span> cats.”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

6<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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I Have!<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Only TWO people have seen this flier? Where is it posted, a CHIMNEY!?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

7<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Evacuation Plan<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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I tried this and then I ran into a wall and now I’m bleeding. What now?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

8<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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President Gerald Ford<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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If you enter this elevator wearing an American Flag lapel pin it counts as a presidential pardon.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

9<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Honest Fan Sign<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Based on the look on the lady’s face in the bottom right corner, this sign is totally working.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

10<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Employee of the Month<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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They technically did what was asked! We all saw it!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

11<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Probably!<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Based on this logic, I’m probably the strongest and coolest man on the planet. Prove me wrong, Internet!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

12<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Danger<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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I tried this and then my body exploded and now I’m a ghost. What now?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

13<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Cheap Water<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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Just out of frame is a flat of “expensive water,” which costs five million dollars.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

14<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Pub-Based Reasons<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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My favorite part about this sign is that it’s clearly hanging on the door of a children’s book store.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

15<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
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Exhibit 1<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
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“And then after that I’ll go home and make a sandwich and then maybe take a nap. Sign making is hard, guys!”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 \u00a0 Only a few of these are retail oriented, but they were all too good not to share. \u00a0I love the evacuation plan–I always get a kick out of seeing our “Emergency Evacuation Plan” in the breakroom, in a tiny store with basically only 2 exits. \u00a0 I’m pretty sure everyone is just running Read More…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1125","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-retail-humor"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1125","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1125"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1125\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1126,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1125\/revisions\/1126"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1125"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1125"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/re-tales.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}